The Dead Raccoon; the Final Chapter

The final chapter in the dead raccoon saga. The raccoon moves on.

On the dead raccoon; after coming home and finding there was still a large dead raccoon in my driveway I realized that it was time for action.

Dead Raccoon
Dead Raccoon

In the morning at 0630hr I called the 24 hour Emergency Services for Water, Sewer and Roads. Ryan was the happy voice of our city who had the pleasure of taking my call.

In a very stern voice I simply said, “Ryan. I justed wanted to let you know there is a large dead raccoon on the side of the road in front of my house. (Notice I did not say “in my driveway”) My address is Blah-Blah-Blah Crescent. There are no outward signs of trauma on the raccoon and he is not bleeding out. But he is definitely dead. Will you let your people know so they can come and get it? Thanks.”

When I got home from work the raccoon had moved on.

However, shortly after that call, I was sitting and looking out the window watching the rain falling and wondering about the raccoon’s life when a teenage male came slouching up the street, head down, hoodie up. He got to within three feet of the raccoon before he saw the dead beast.

Now I have to admit, the raccoon was quite fierce looking. He had all his teeth bared and his little feet with claws exposed were rather ominous. He appeared ready to rip someone or something to shreds.

When the teenager got to within three feet of that coon he made eye contact with it. And once he made eye contact you knew he was not going to make any physical contact. He turned around as quick as a wink and ran, arms flailing, fists pumping, legs taking massive, awkward strides while his coat and hoodie flew off his head. He was more like a cartoon figure than any cartoon figure I have ever seen.

Shit, it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.