The Dead Raccoon; the Final Chapter

The final chapter in the dead raccoon saga. The raccoon moves on.

On the dead raccoon; after coming home and finding there was still a large dead raccoon in my driveway I realized that it was time for action.

Dead Raccoon
Dead Raccoon

In the morning at 0630hr I called the 24 hour Emergency Services for Water, Sewer and Roads. Ryan was the happy voice of our city who had the pleasure of taking my call.

In a very stern voice I simply said, “Ryan. I justed wanted to let you know there is a large dead raccoon on the side of the road in front of my house. (Notice I did not say “in my driveway”) My address is Blah-Blah-Blah Crescent. There are no outward signs of trauma on the raccoon and he is not bleeding out. But he is definitely dead. Will you let your people know so they can come and get it? Thanks.”

When I got home from work the raccoon had moved on.

However, shortly after that call, I was sitting and looking out the window watching the rain falling and wondering about the raccoon’s life when a teenage male came slouching up the street, head down, hoodie up. He got to within three feet of the raccoon before he saw the dead beast.

Now I have to admit, the raccoon was quite fierce looking. He had all his teeth bared and his little feet with claws exposed were rather ominous. He appeared ready to rip someone or something to shreds.

When the teenager got to within three feet of that coon he made eye contact with it. And once he made eye contact you knew he was not going to make any physical contact. He turned around as quick as a wink and ran, arms flailing, fists pumping, legs taking massive, awkward strides while his coat and hoodie flew off his head. He was more like a cartoon figure than any cartoon figure I have ever seen.

Shit, it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

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One thought on “The Dead Raccoon; the Final Chapter

  1. First off, I feel badly for this unfortunate raccoon, its the sort of thing that happens, but shortly after most people don’t even think about it. Lets face it, do we really know what goes on in the world of a raccoon. “Hmmmmmm well lets see now …Hmmm …
    I’ll give it a try” … This raccoon could have been a mommy to a litter of hungry babe’s, who could … and still might be wandering aimlessly around in pursuit of scraps of food to eat.
    Myself, I’d like to think of this Rocky raccoon as a great Houdini. The type who could hypnotize, create illusions and then when no ones looking, be an escape artist.
    Could it be Ms. Stacy that maybe this little fella was just trying to get a suntan, and your car … well I hate to say it, ran over him. Looks pretty suspicious to me, being in your driveway and all. “Goodbye mister Houdini raccoon.” sobb
    In conclusion and with all due respect, Mr. Houdini was also very fortunate that he didn’t come sunbath in my driveway. You see the kids here who roam the streets would have carted him off as soon as they laid eyes on him. They’re a proud bunch, without a whole lot to do. On any given day, it’s quite common to see them all dressed up in their farm coveralls parading up and down the streets like a bunch of roosters. They ride rusted bicycles, hoot and holler and pretend there all slaying a great beast. Yep! it’s sad to say, I’m sure that the town bully would have had his way with Mister Rocky’s tail … blowing in the breeze, back and forth while pinned to the back of his wrinkled baseball cap.

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