A couple of days ago I was on the Regent Seven Seas super-luxury cruise ship, the Navigator. The Navigator is a six-star luxury cruiser with suites of 1100 square feet. Suites that have a butler to make sure your eggs are cooked as you like them and to make sure your shoes are polished. What a world…fabulous…simply fabulous.
As my regular readers will know, I posted my description of the Navigator on Thursday with a promise to have my description of the food services (amazing and delicious) posted today. Instead, my home turned into a puke-a-rama-vomitorium last night.
Both of the girls picked up some kind of a puke-bug and have been puking semi-regularly for the last twelve hours.
When Baby B started to vomit in the living-room I recommended that my Sweetheart pick her up and get her to the kitchen (a few short steps away over the baby gate). The result of my “recommendation” was that not only was there baby vomit (a special kind of horror of its own merits) on the living-room carpet, there was also then baby vomit all along those few shorts steps to the baby gate and over and into the kitchen.
Fast-forward to midnight. Just as I was about to draw the winner for my soap giveaway (congrats to Marilyn W) we hear this blood-curdling scream from the nursery. Baby A is in full exorcist horror-show mode. Not learning from my earlier mistake, I lift her up as she spews more vomit onto my chest, over my shoulder and onto the newly carpeted room. Why we put new carpet in before the girls turned 21 I will never understand.
Call in the clean-up crew (my Sweetheart and me). Bathe Baby A and get her into a new sleeper. Then, thinking that it is probably safer to have her in bed with me, I go to sleep in the guest room with Baby A in the bed beside me.
Two hours later I wake to her kicking the cobwebs out of my head and howling in a very unnatural manner. Unfortunately not all the cobwebs were out of my head so when she began to spew vomit again I was not fast enough. Yep, all over my dry-clean only silk comforter, our best quality 180 thread count pillow cases, bed sheets, guest room carpeted floor, and hallway. And of course all over her sleeper and through her hair. Charming. A 2am wake-up call to a baby doing her best Linda Blair imitation.
Bath number three. Sleeper number three. An hour later Baby A and I are sleeping on the guest room bed with a raggedy old comforter under us and some beach towel as a blanket.
No word of a lie, an hour later we have our final curtain call of the night. This time I have learned to recognize the guttural-gurgling sounds of a brewing spew. I grab a hand knit afghan (Baby A’s favourite bedtime blankie) and try to limit the spread of the vomit. Sort of like trying to catch porridge with your open hands as someone is spraying it at you. Ineffective.
To top the night’s performance off, this morning after doing the 47 loads of laundry down in the laundry-room, I returned to the nursery with the freshly laundered laundry to find that my nemesis, the orange cat has puked up a massive hairball on the nursery floor.
So I will have the Navigator foodie tour details online shortly. Sorry for the delay…