Race Car Drivers and Commuting 

The following is an open letter to the young man driving the hopped up import car with the super fat muffler that sounds like a jet engine running down the street in front of me. Seriously dude, you remind me of a young Mario Andretti. Maybe even an Al Unser. You control your car in a way that is rarely seen on our city streets.

The way that you are able to weave in and out of traffic at such an incredible rate of speed is absolutely amazing.

You are able to come up behind a vehicle at an incredible rate of speed and then wheel around them so amazingly quickly. Your reflexes are second to none.

And your ability to follow behind somebody else’s car, not even a few centimetres off their back bumper? Wow. You are amazing. Your reflexes must be superhuman.

And of course the car you’re driving is an amazing piece of engineering as well.

Your tinted windows make it almost impossible to see who’s inside, but I know when you pass me in your race car, I know that you are one incredible driver. It really is too bad you are not on a real track.

I love the fact that your car is so hopped up that it would be a natural for the race track. You have it lowered to within mere centimetres of the road. And those low-profile tires? Wow. Again. You are amazing. And your car is equally amazing.

However, there is bad news for you.

You are not actually on a race track. And the people driving cars around you? They are not nearly as qualified and competent behind the wheel as you are.

In fact, some of the drivers, even people like me, are not giving their full attention to the road.

Some of us are sleep deprived. Some of us are worried about our kids or our jobs or the cup of coffee we are trying to balance on the steering wheel while watching the road and mediating a fight that the kids in the back seat are having, and trying to ignore the fact that we are probably going to be late for work because the kids could not find their clothes and are therefore distracted from the actual race event that you believe you are in.

Yes it’s true, distracted driving means more than just using a mobile phone in the car.

Even though you are an amazing human being who has the ability to control your hopped up, super engineered race car, the vast majority of other people on the road are a bunch of distracted slobs driving poorly tuned vans with many other things on their mind than the race that you believe that you are in.

So in short, slow the fuck down, quit tailgating me, and get your noisy piece of shit of a car off the street in front of my house especially when my kids are trying to have a nap.