The Dead Raccoon

This is one of the most popular blog posts I have ever written. It is actually a three part series, so here is the first part of the dead raccoon saga.

So I have very large and very dead raccoon laying in my driveway and I have no idea what to do about it.

Dead Raccoon
Dead Raccoon

Just for the record, the large rock near the dead raccoon’s head was placed there as a warning to other beasts (and crows) of what might befall them if they come too close. It was in no way involved in his death.

Being the kind of guy who likes to take care of things like this as soon as possible, I raced back in the house and told my Sweetheart to do something about the dead raccoon in our driveway.

My Sweetheart is also the kind of person who likes to take care of things like dead raccoons right away so she phoned the SPCA. When they heard we lived in the suburbs they just said, “We don’t come out there.” They said call someone in your own city.

Sweetheart calls City of Coquitlam Animal Shelter. “We don’t deal with stuff like that. Just put on double rubber gloves and a hazmat suit that is impermeable to claws, in case he comes alive, and double bag him in a garbage bag then put him in your trash can.”

Well I’m not letting my Sweetheart do something as dangerous as that. No way. So I told her to keep calling other agencies while I Googled what to do with dead raccoons in your driveway.

BC Wildlife was the next call. As soon as they heard it was dead they lost all interest. I suppose they didn’t hear me in the background saying, “It’s not dead yet, it’s just sleeping!” They didn’t care. All I heard was a “click.”

Thankfully it is not too warm outside or he might be getting kind of stinky. Tomorrow I will load him into a cardboard box and take him down to Coquitlam City Hall to get the definitive answer of what I am supposed to do with him.

Updates tomorrow I suppose.





7 responses to “The Dead Raccoon”

  1. kelsey Avatar

    I am seriously looking forward to hearing about how City Hall deals with the ‘issue’!

  2. Caitlyn James Avatar

    MY kind of professional development!

    Still say “My Little Taxidermy Set” is the answer. Get those little girls some mad skills.

    Ian says, “Nice picture, too bad it doesn’t smell.”

    1. stacey Avatar

      Cold weather has kept the smell down for now. Might get worse tomorrow in City Hall. If they say they don’t want it I’m going to…

  3. Eleanor Avatar

    I second great interest in the upcoming feedback from city hall. If you leave it on their doorstep, will it just be littering? Or would it be more like abandoning a body? Very curious situation indeed!

  4. […] with my guaranteed system on how to win the lottery, this story about the dead raccoon in my driveway was the follow up “traffic generator” […]

  5. p Avatar

    Great story. Bad day for the raccoon and maybe a bad day for you as well. I hope it turns into a good day for you. Sadly the future will not change for the raccoon. Kids usually love stuff like this. A dead raccoon is big news in kiddome. How did you keep the kids off it?

    1. stacey Avatar

      This is actually a re-post from 2011. The kids were much less mobile back then.