Becoming an Old Man

The Signs of Becoming an Old Man

I recently read a tweet from @theonecrazykid and it got me to thinking – what are the signs that one has become “an old man”? And further, are we provided with an “old man cap” somewhere once we do become an old man?

Becoming an Old Man

As often happens on Twitter, if you pose a question, serious or not, people will chime in with their “answers”. Michael Kwan (@michaelkwan) and Aron Harris (@dadrockdad) did just that – they chimed in with their ideas.

Becoming an Old Man
My Favourite Park Bench

Michael Kwan suggested that if you have a favourite bench at the park – you may be an old man.

Aron Harris known on the Twitter as @dadrockdad, suggested that if you get angry and yell at kids walking on your lawn or if people yell the equivalent of “Norm!” as you walk into your local drinking establishment – you may be an old man. If you actually understand the reference to yelling “Norm!” when you walk into a bar, you may also be an old man.

Back Lawn

And a point of clarification – there is a subtle difference between being a dad and being an old man. A sure sign of being a dad, but not necessarily a sign of being an old man, is when you find yourself yelling “who left all the lights on!” Or “who changed the thermostat in here!”

However, as I said, the indicators of being an old man are subtly different. So here, in no particular order are a few of my criteria for sure signs you are an “old man”.

First off, your behaviour in any restaurant or drinking establishment, like a craft brewery, is a pretty clear indicator of whether you’re an old man or not.

For me, I realized I was becoming an old man when I was at my local craft brewery and I was very annoyed by the volume of the music playing inside. All I was thinking was, “I’m trying to have a conversation over here!”

And live music? I won’t even enter a place that has live music. Definite traits of an old man.

And while we’re talking about restaurants, it is a sure sign of being an old man if you wouldn’t dream of ordering something from the menu without first making sure you have a coupon for that item.

Also, you watch in disdain when you see someone else ordering without a coupon. The fact that your kids are mortified because without a single sign of embarrassment you willingly tell the other people in line around you how the person currently ordering with a coupon is a fool because, “there’s this great app that provides great coupon deals – right to your phone!”

Another one is not thinking twice about picking up a shirt off the floor and wearing it for a second, third, or fourth day. And getting a shower? That’s for Sunday night before going back to work on Monday.

Front Lawn

Perhaps if you find yourself looking at your neighbour’s lawn and wondering what products they are using on it to keep it so lush and green, you’re an old man.

Or if you are concerned because “those kids from next door keep parking in front of my house” instead of the spot in front of their own home. Another sign of becoming an old man.

And finally, if you are thinking to yourself, “That Matlock character is actually pretty clever!” … you too are an old man.

Does the fact that I am starting to think that suspenders for my trousers is a good idea also mean I am becoming an old man? What are the signs that you see that tell you that someone is becoming an old man?