The Twins’ Favourite Toys

A few years ago I sent an email, in a vain attempt at humour, out to a large group of my family and friends. I talked about how poor we were when I was a kid and how we had no toys to play with and how one Christmas if I had not woken up with a … then I would have had nothing to play with on that fateful Christmas morning. As it turns out, that attempt at humour didn’t play well with many of the recipients (sorry Mom).  

The fact of the matter is that when I was a kid I had everything I ever wanted. I grew up in an environment that made my mind and intellect grow with limitless abandon. We had toys and books and philosophical discussions and everything a kid could want. Shit, we even had a cabin that we moved to, two ponies (trust me when I say that ponies are the meanest thing on earth, bar none), a St Bernard dog, I even got another dog for myself. We had cats, ferrets, dead snakes and every imaginable toy.

Knowing how much I gained from that type of access to mind-stimulating stuff and such, I wanted to do the same for my baby girls. So we have the fabulous exersaucer, a Fisher Price musical walker, wooden blocks with letters on them, and every other imaginable toy. At the end of the day it looks like a Toys ‘R Us truck crashed into our living-room and spilled its load.

So out of the cornucopia of toys available for the twins, which are the favourite toys for the girls? Story loves the dog brush I have tucked up on the shelf by the door. She will do anything to climb up to that shelf and get the dog hair brush. Annalie? She has discovered the dog food and water bowl combo. Set her on the floor and she is off at lightening speed to get into the dog bowls. And they both LOVE the dog’s bed. They beetle across the floor with little grunts of joy as their eyes lock on the target of that fluffy dog bed. Poor blind Jimmy doesn’t even know what is headed her way most of the time.

However, their all time favourite toy? Any electrical cord that is connected to an appliance like a lamp. Or a laptop computer. Or a boobie pump. If the girls are left unattended for even a brief moment, they beetle across the room, grab the cords and begin stuffing them in their mouths like they are at an electrical cord eating contest.

The yucky thing about this is that my nemesis, Bubba the cat, also has a thing for electrical cords. To break him of the habit of trying to commit suicide by electrocution, I got the bright idea to smear hot pepper sauce on all the electrical cords in the house. That was years ago. He still flosses with danger and there are still remnants of hot pepper sauce on the cords. I wonder how long until I hear the wails of a child with a mouth full of hot pepper sauced electrical cords in her mouth?